7 weeks post op

So I am 7 weeks out and 49 pounds down!  I saw my surgeon last week, and his reaction to me was, "you're weight loss is not as much as I expected"...WHAT?  This made me feel like a complete failure and I left his office with a sense of "Why did I have this major life changing surgery?, and What do I do now?"  He said that to his credit I was his first type 1 diabetic and he really didn't know what the future will bring, that we will have to see in a year or two.  I spent about 15 minutes being very angry and completely down on myself.

Then...I said to myself, "He does not dictate my fate, in this process!"  The Lord is my guide and I believe he believes in me.  So, when I got home I did some research on the internet with Type 1 Diabetics and gastric bypass.  What I found was two doctors back east who are finding great success in this surgery being an amazing tool for obese type 1 diabetics.  I called my diabetic nurse and she was livid and said that she would bring this to the chief of endocrinology, and they would help me in this process.  I know in my heart of hearts that this was the one and only answer for my weight loss, and some ignorant surgeon will not make me a failure.

Is it worth it?

So it has been a month since I have posted to this blog, and to be honest I am wondering...is it worth it?  I am a private person, and thought this would be helpful to myself and others, and yet is it?  No one reads it, and my best friend is really the only one seeing it, and she knows everything about me, and doesn't need a blog to understand me, relate, or be helped by it.  But, here is an update, for what it is worth:

At 2 weeks out from surgery (surgery date of Sept 18)  my surgeon said all was going as expected.  I am on soft foods, and gaining strength all the time.  

At 6 weeks out, my nutritionist called to give me the go ahead for regular food, and it is a struggle to get in 1000 calories a day, as well as the fluids needed.  I am a work in progress, but with a never say die attitude!! Exercise is my biggest challenge right now, because of the lack of energy needed.  I am doing it about 2x a week, but want more.  Another note, when I look in the mirror I still see the 372 pound woman I was even though at this point I am at 40 pound loss...I can see where anorexics fall into that terrible disease.  The one thing that brings me to reality is the bagginess of my clothing, so I know I am losing!  

Week of September 22, 2014

This is the first week of recovery had its highs and its lows.  The highs came in having my best friend here to help me in my recovery to gain my strength, cook for me and my family, and just spend time with me and catching up. Lows came in bouts of pain, gas pain, and believing I could do more than I actually could.  

I have never been one to ask for help, or see my limitations.  When I was a kid, I had to help take care of my 4 little sisters and taking care of myself was never a priority.  Sometimes I would look at my responsibilities as a big sister as a burden, and other times, I saw that I could be all that stood between my step father's rage and evil in getting to them.  When my mom finally divorced him, my role as a secondary care giver increased.  One time when I was in the grocery store buying groceries with my littlest sister (14 years my junior) she accidentally called me mom and people heard and stared.  It's funny now, but then I was a mortified teenager.  So, relying on myself became necessary, and leaning on others wasn't something I was ever comfortable with.  

If I didn't have my best friend here, I truly believe that my recovery would have been even slower than it was.  She would do some restorative yoga on me to increase circulation and promote healing, and I could tell in small ways that it was helping me. I started to get outside and walk down the street and back, and I did it twice in the day.  The next day, was a true low for me.  I finally had a bowel movement after 7 days, it was painful, took everything out of me, and I felt like I had taken a big leap back in my recovery.  I spent all day sitting, and using the bathroom several times during the day.  This was definitely a low for me!  

On September 25 I took my measurements to see my progress beyond the scale:
Neck: 14"
Left upper arm: 17 1/2"
Upper chest: 56"
Lower chest: 46"
Waist: 48 1/4"
Hips: 70 1/2"
Left thigh: 39"
Calf: 19 1/2"

September 22, 2014

It was nice to wake up at home, but I was up at 4:30am needing a pain pill.  I took it and settled in to my recliner, and am excited that my best friend in the whole world is coming to see me and help out tonight from San Diego!  It was a bit of a rough day, not being able to get much of the boost down and even less water.  I walked several times though back and forth the length of the house.  I have been taking naps in the afternoon in my recliner as it is more comfortable sitting upright.  At about 10pm I started getting such severe, painful gas and nothing was helping.  During the surgery they filled my abdomen with gas for the surgeon to see during the laproscopic procedure, and now it's working its way out, and not very graciously!  Christi got here at around 11:30 and boy I was in a lot of gas pain, but I was over the moon she was here.  I gave her a hug and went to bed.  The next morning she will begin some restorative yoga therapy on me, and I know that it will help me heal and feel so much better.  

September 20, 2014

I am in the hospital thinking that I will get to go home, but that is not going to happen today.  I began running a fever, and my blood sugars were not in control.  So, they are keeping me another night, and to be honest I am fine with  it because after this scary surgery I preferred to be close to help if I need it.  The fever was 101.6 and the blood sugars are in the 300's, so one more day, just one more day.  I was able to walk several times during the day and get in 3 liquid boosts in as well, so besides what was keeping me in the hospital, I was doing okay.

September 21, 2014

Woke up fever free, and blood sugars are in the 200's, so today is the day I get to go home!  They released me at 3pm, and the drive home was a little painful, every bump hurt but I am so glad to be going home.  The doctor sent me home with oxycodone for the pain, and I am not shy to take it, because to tell the truth pain hurts!  The nurses told me that if I am in pain that healing is more difficult.  My first night at home I was in the most pain during the night while I was trying to sleep!!  This went on for about 3 nights and then I called the surgical nurse and she told me that I shouldn't be laying flat, but no one told me.  They should have told me this when I was released from the hospital.  When I put more pillows to raise my head and I finally slept very comfortably. 

September 18, 2014, the day of my surgery is here.  I checked in at 8:30 to be prepped for surgery.  I can tell you that praying helped, but I was still very scared.  In comes a wonderful friend to pray over me and my husband and daughter.  As she was praying, tears were streaming from my eyes, not out of fear, but out of gratitude for her, my family, my friends, and the Lord who are supporting me through this journey, and will be there for me whenever I need.

Rewind to my childhood, when there was no one that I could trust or go to, because of a step father who was in all sense of the word...Evil.  When I was 7 years old my mom married a man from Alaska, whom she knew for less than a year before they married.  Not long after, we went to Alaska to start a new life with him, and his family in Sitka, Alaska.  This was the beginning of the end for the innocent child in me. When everyone was asleep in his mother's house one night, he took away my childhood.  And, continued to violate me until I was 14. He was a drunk who beat my mother, and yet she stayed with him.  During those 7 years I never felt safe or protected.  I certainly couldn't tell anyone, and the one time I did tell someone, he got me alone and threatened to slit my throat, so in doing so I said I was lying.  Everything went back to the normal I knew until I was 14 and had the courage to tell my mom again, and I am not sure what convinced her, because the first time I had said something she didn't believe me. The violation of my body at 14 had finally ended, but the violation of my spirit continued. I began putting on weight to hide in the world, because who wants a fat girl right?

September 18, 2014, I went into surgery at 10:30 and was in the step down ICU by 3:30 and I was not very lucid.  I had a personal pain button to administer pain medication as needed.  Apparently I had visitors but I have no memory until the next day to begin recovery.  

September 19, 2014, 5am, the nurse comes in to wake me, and weigh me. I was completely freaked out when I stepped on the scale and was 13 pounds heavier than the day before.  Thankfully the nurse told me that it was normal and due to the surgery and fluids thats how it is for everyone who has the surgery.  So, they bring in my first post operative meal, and it was "breeze" a clear liquid version of boost...yuck!  I had to tolerate that before I could move back to boost, which isn't much better than breeze.  I tolerated it just fine, and let the liquid diet continue.  I had to drink 1oz every 15 minutes, alternating with sips of water or ice chips. This was pretty easy, but I wasn't very mobile yet. I still had a catheter in and had to walk with it, which was a little uncomfortable, but they want you to move as quickly as possible to encourage healing.  I think I made it 25 feet before I had to turn around and go back to my hospital room, but it was a start.  The catheter came out later that day, and I felt a little more free to move about.  I walked about 5 times that day and made it a little farther each time.  I thought I would be out of the hospital the next day like my surgeon said, but that was not to be.

The End...and the Beginning

The journey that brought me to the operating table is long and winding, but it is not only my story, and it is just the beginning. For 15 years my doctors have been urging me to have bariatric surgery as a way to make me healthier in the long run.  I considered it, until I saw the stats of mortality and infections.  My husband and I had a young daughter and I wasn't ready to jeopardize continuing to be a wife and mother...fast forward 15 years and I am recuperating for gastric bypass surgery.  

September 4, 2014 I started an all liquid diet and had a weight of 362. My surgery was scheduled for September 18, and I had to endure absolutely a 1000 calorie a day liquid diet.  I am a teacher and the first thing I noticed by the 2nd day was a dramatic decrease in energy, oh and if I didn't mention it before, I am a type 1 diabetic, so you can only imagine the havoc the diet was playing on my blood sugars.  By the 6th day my teaching team was worried about me because I was pale and lethargic.  If anyone understands the amount of energy it takes to teach, especially elementary age students, I wasn't sure I was going to make it to the surgery without finding a nutritional source to gain the energy I needed.  What I did to keep going was lay it all down to God, and pray for his strength, and wouldn't you know it, God was gracious and he got me through providing the energy to keep going! 

September 18, 2014, the day was here, and I was more scared than I could imagine or share with my family and friends.  I woke up the morning of the surgery and thought about what exactly brought me to needing a drastic surgery like this, I was doubting, self loathing, and blaming myself.  There are things in my childhood that definitely contributed to my weight problem, however, there are things in my body that were out of my control i.e. type 1 diabetes and thyroid disease, but even with those extenuating factors I still blamed myself.  This is something that is a work in progress, as am I and many others in this world

To be continued...